Just got off from a very cool skype call with a very influential success coach who you probably seen and heard about. Claudia Braier is a top coach and one of the many topics we covered was obligation. What I’m going to do is to briefly cover one of the things that clearly stops us doing what we should in order to progress in life.
I have time and time again run into women that have confessed whole heartedly that they had either stayed too long in a relationships or spent too long pursuing someone for a relationship. In fact I have to put my hand up to both those situations. Here is a brief list why we did this:
Fear
There may be other reasons but the as far as I can see most of them would ultimately fall into at least one of these two categories. An example of fear might be; I can't leave this relationship because I fear having to tell everyone I couldn't make the relationship work and I'll feel like a failure or I fear living on my own etc. That’s fear and everyone can straight away understand that one. But what you might not be aware of is that there is a grand fear which is what all fear is based on and that is the fear that whatever it is you're about to face is too big and we won't be able to handle it.
I will cover this in more depth another time more of how our minds work in this regard but in short, our minds have built in mechanism that’s programmed to keep everything safe for us. That system is designed to keep the status quo, keeping everything the safe and the same. But in order to overcome fear and move on we have to do the thing we fear there is actually no way to skirt round it as more times than not the thing we fear never happens or if it doesn't is over quicker and has left effect than first thought
Obligation
The other reason, “Obligation” is not something we often hear about, it is in effect a fear too but it goes something like this; “We've been together for 2 years and I think it would hurt her feelings if I told her I think we should spit even though staying together is killing both of us”. In other words we feel obligated to do or not do things because of someone else’s feelings, and can happen with regards a relationship or a job or a business, a friendship etc. But you can and should if you want to grow and change your life.
Pain and Pleasure
Whether we do something or not is really a balancing act between pain and pleasure. We will tend to stay or do what we do based upon the amount of pain we can avoid or pleasure we believe we’ll gain. So what you do differently in life will only occur if the amount pain of not doing it is great enough or the about pleasure out ways it.
The trick is of course to re-wire our minds to link more pain to not doing what we need, than staying stuck. There are various systems
I have time and time again run into women that have confessed whole heartedly that they had either stayed too long in a relationships or spent too long pursuing someone for a relationship. In fact I have to put my hand up to both those situations. Here is a brief list why we did this:
- Fear
- Obligations
- Pain and Pleasure
Fear
There may be other reasons but the as far as I can see most of them would ultimately fall into at least one of these two categories. An example of fear might be; I can't leave this relationship because I fear having to tell everyone I couldn't make the relationship work and I'll feel like a failure or I fear living on my own etc. That’s fear and everyone can straight away understand that one. But what you might not be aware of is that there is a grand fear which is what all fear is based on and that is the fear that whatever it is you're about to face is too big and we won't be able to handle it.
I will cover this in more depth another time more of how our minds work in this regard but in short, our minds have built in mechanism that’s programmed to keep everything safe for us. That system is designed to keep the status quo, keeping everything the safe and the same. But in order to overcome fear and move on we have to do the thing we fear there is actually no way to skirt round it as more times than not the thing we fear never happens or if it doesn't is over quicker and has left effect than first thought
Obligation
The other reason, “Obligation” is not something we often hear about, it is in effect a fear too but it goes something like this; “We've been together for 2 years and I think it would hurt her feelings if I told her I think we should spit even though staying together is killing both of us”. In other words we feel obligated to do or not do things because of someone else’s feelings, and can happen with regards a relationship or a job or a business, a friendship etc. But you can and should if you want to grow and change your life.
Pain and Pleasure
Whether we do something or not is really a balancing act between pain and pleasure. We will tend to stay or do what we do based upon the amount of pain we can avoid or pleasure we believe we’ll gain. So what you do differently in life will only occur if the amount pain of not doing it is great enough or the about pleasure out ways it.
The trick is of course to re-wire our minds to link more pain to not doing what we need, than staying stuck. There are various systems
Feeling Good
Let’s face it, that’s what we ultimately want and need in our lives. We want to feel GOOD… and why not? You deserve to feel good. There is nothing that states you have to choose a life misery but that’s where self-esteem comes in too. Sometime we can feel like we don’t deserve to feel good but the truth is we all deserve to be happy. It often seems normal to think that the reality is to be miserable and that joy and happiness is mumbo-jumbo, when in the real reality the opposite is truth. To see that there is even one person in the world that is truly happy and feels good, then for me the question would always come up, then why not you?
Things you should take a strong look into and to help you take a step are NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming. Created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Around circa 1997 Bandler has claimed, "NLP™ [sic] is based on finding out what works and formalizing it. ¨
EFT
Let’s face it, that’s what we ultimately want and need in our lives. We want to feel GOOD… and why not? You deserve to feel good. There is nothing that states you have to choose a life misery but that’s where self-esteem comes in too. Sometime we can feel like we don’t deserve to feel good but the truth is we all deserve to be happy. It often seems normal to think that the reality is to be miserable and that joy and happiness is mumbo-jumbo, when in the real reality the opposite is truth. To see that there is even one person in the world that is truly happy and feels good, then for me the question would always come up, then why not you?
Things you should take a strong look into and to help you take a step are NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming. Created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Around circa 1997 Bandler has claimed, "NLP™ [sic] is based on finding out what works and formalizing it. ¨
EFT
Wikipedia "According to the EFT manual, the procedure consists of the participant rating the emotional intensity of their reaction on a Subjective Units of Distress Scale (SUDS) (a Likert scale for subjective measures of distress, calibrated 0-10) then repeating an orienting affirmation while rubbing or tapping specific points on the body. Some practitioners incorporate eye movements or other tasks. The emotional intensity is then rescored and repeated until no changes are noted in the emotional intensity."
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