Fortunately I guessed it could (and should only be) when SueCat and I attended Ruby Wax book signing in Norwich at the beginning of the year. Luckily what the neighbor returned with was a double page spread showing a collage of photos of attendees of the event include what I must say was a really nice picture of SueCat and I. It was one of the page spreads that you see in the Gossip or society sections of Hello (or the Sun, depending whether your a milk before the tea or a tea before the milk kind of person). I was rather impressed, cos' often I'd looked at these kind of things in magazines and wondered what it would be like to be at one of those functions and low and behold there we were.
Going back to that BBQ things yesterday, and after I'd finished signing autographs, amongst the various people I talked to, which tended to centre back to the upcoming EU "In or Out" elections, SueCat and I got in to conversations with a neighbor who was genuinely interested to know what Ruby Wax was really like. I explained that truly what you see on TV or on TED is what you get and because of that you feel you already know her. Some how she (the neighbor, not Ruby) came to relay that she had a recently lost her mother and was finding it a little harder to coupe with compared to the time she lost her father. SueCat said "oh, you need to talk to Colin he's set you straight on that". Saying that as I too had lost my mother rather too suddenly but had managed to stay on the right side of right After coming through that process though I'd manage to establish for myself some ideals and beliefs that work for me. I can't say they'll work for anyone else but they worked for me and helped me make at least a little sense of what had happened. I like things to make sense. After all, I worked with computers all day long where things "should" make sense - they often don't, but you know what I mean.
To me it just came together. What helped was my mother's faith. She was a Jehovah's Witness. Althogh I was never a saint growiing up, I never had a problem with it. I'd hear people saying mainly negative things about this religion, that they were a pain with all their door to door activity. To me this just made sense. After all if you had some really good news and knew a way tht might help people wouldn't you want to share?
I'm sure you would. Well if you know anything about the bible there was more than a few occassions where atleast 12 dudes went out and spread the good word.
Anyway on the few occasions that I'd accompanied my mum to the local Kingdom Hall I was always happy to be there with her. Reading the scriptures during the service and being happy at how happy she was having me there and proudly introducing me to her church friends their. Yes, her faith endured until the very end and it is in knowing how stong she was in her faith that made it a natural thing to take my eyes off myself and my feelings of helplessness and loss that caused me to turn it all around and focus on what she believed that dying was simply the order of things. That everything happens just so. No need to fuss or carry on, just allow the laws to take over and be so. Just as Summer is followed by the FalI (or Autumn). We never ever question this. This is as natural as rain. One of the things that struck me though is how stuck we are to the concept of physical life. We are so glued to the belief that physical life is everything. This could be our biggest shackle in truly living a life. Just as there are people that think that Summer is everything. Remember we have to have autumn, winter and spring. These seasons are essential if we want a successful harvest in the summer.
This interpreted to me in my head as a logical belief that "Matter" can not be destroyed it can only be converted to something else. Her physical being had run it's course, yes! That is the order of things and cannot be anything else for all of us. BUT, here's the thing. We are, I believe more than just our physical self. Even if you don't believe in a supreme being, all that you are your thoughts and being and existence is ultimately pure energy. Energy can not be destroyed, so to me it's still there. I believe there is a collective consciousness that goes beyond the physical, or that which we see. I don't really have time to go deep into here but simply say that there are laws that we experience everyday and rely on them constantly and without question. Gravity being one of them. We can't see it but we experience it's effects Therefore we have no doubt that when we drop our toast it's going down even if we can't always tell which side it's going to land on!
There are other laws that are invisible but that act upon all of us. We see it's effects. Yes, yes we do. As a clue think about times when you've had a hunch or that gut feeling which has turned out to be just right. Could that be one of the invisible laws?
I thiese kind of things are bold straight laws of the universe and yet are intelligence makes us turn awy from it and seek to tell ourselves how life should work rather than what it really is and we keep trying and trying rather than going with the flow...
Well thank you for reading all the way to the bottom here. All the best